No sir, my wife is not pregnant. She's not my wife. Har Har.

First of all, I'm going to name my son (yes, I will have a son, and no other) Horatio Alva DeMott. If it's a girl, and that's a big if, it'll be Alva Horatio DeMott.

Whew, now that that's out of the way. Speaking of babies, holy shit, Marc just told me that Nicole Ritchie and Christina Aguilera are both pregnant. I'm sure the babies are going to be Demons Spawned from Hellfire and Brimstone, but here's the real question: Which one will reign more terror?

Nicole Ritchie has a fantastically bad cocaine habit, which makes her remarkably thin, and worm-like. This leads me to believe that she will birth a large wormlike creature. I don't know. I have a feeling this baby will come out, fiending for mama's breast milk, and Ritchie being the horrible person she is, will stick a beer bottle or other phallac object in it's mouth. To surmise:

usa13 (2:59:50 AM): personally, im hoping that nicole richie miscarries

usa13 (2:59:54 AM): because the baby is all like

usa13 (3:00:00 AM): WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS SHIT IN HERE

usa13 (3:00:08 AM): AND CAN A NIGGA GET SOME SPACE

usa13 (3:00:11 AM): EAT SOMETHING BITCH

usa13 (3:00:39 AM): that may just have been the meanest thing ive ever said.

Hmm. Someone's going to hell, and it might not be Nicole Ritchie's unborn Demon-Spawned child.

Now, Christina Aguilera is not nearly as freaky as Nicole Ritchie. She's freaky looking, but that's another post entirely. I mean, she didn't shave her head, or hold a baby over a bannister or anything, so I guess she's alright in that regard, but wasn't she fucking a DJ not too long ago. I mean, Christ-on-a-Crutch. DJ's are about as unreliable as Nicole Ritchie's coke dealer, so who's really going to father this child? Hm, here's a few options.


Derek Jeter; king of fucking really hot chicks. Jessica Beil and Mariah Carey, just to name a few. I don't know.

Tom Cruise; Psycho. Seriously, what's another alien baby to Tom Cruise. It would mean that alien-baby Suri has someone to play with. It also means, that Katie Holmes will have something to gush over. I mean, her first chinese-looking baby isn't enough by any means.


The real money lies in who's the papa of Nicole Ritchie's baby. My guess is some coke dealer from Palo Alto named Ryder who right now, is reading this blog, and saying to himself: "That JD, gots me pegged." And to that, I say that I am a fucked up individual.

Thank you. Have a wonderful day-ish.

JD