It's Highway to the Danger...Zone...DOS...

Okay, Alright, calm the fuck down.

I don't believe it either, Top Gun is a fucking classic movie. It has jets, Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Ice melting on Kelly McGillis' tummy, ...it had everything you could ask for in an action movie starring Tom Cruise: a shitty plot.

Anyway, there's talk of starting up a Top Gun 2: Flight Simulator (not actual name, though, would be pretty cool), where Tom Cruise would be an instructor now, dealing with a hot shot female pilot. Maverick you sly dog, is she going to rub ice on your stomach?

One problem we'll have here is the fact that we'll have a Top Gun spoof at the hands of the guys who made SuperHero Movie, and Scary Movie, and Meet the Spartans, etc.

Cruise v. Washington...

Apparently there is a movie in the works called The 28th Amendment which would have Tom Cruise playing the President of the United States, who finds out that the United States is being run by a secret organization...led by Denzel Washington...

I would definitely see it.

Cruise hires "Mission Impossible II" scribe...

Tom Cruise has hired Ronald Moore, the scribe from Mission Impossible II, to write a trilogy of Big Time United Artists Sci-Fi flicks.

Sounds like a Tom Cruise is getting ready to have someone write his biopic.

Leatherheads and Valkyrie trailers

This Leatherheads flick sounded good months ago, and now it looks even better. John Krasinski, George Clooney, and Renée Zellweger star in the flick about two football players trying to rejuvenate the beginning of football. Wearing those leather helmets and what not. It looks pretty hilarious.

And then there's Valkyrie which stars Tom Cruise, Eddie Izzard, and Tom Wilkinson just to name a few. Cruise plays a soldier named Claus von Stauffenberg who plans, with others, to assassinate Adolf Hitler. It looks good.

Steroids.

Alright, so I was just watching that Bryant Gumbal show that graces HBO's lineup on Sundays, and/or whenever it is they show it. I was watching, and their female correspondent was interviewing Gary Sheffield. Sheffield, as you may or may not know, is a Major League Baseball player who has played for the Brewers, Padres, Braves, Yankees and more currently the Detroit Tigers. He has admitted to putting something on his tongue (not penis) and rubbing a cream on his leg. He says that since it didn't work for him, that he never used steroids.

Now, I know that there are different forms of steroids or performance enhancing drugs. I understand that Barry Bonds went from twig to ginormous tree in the span of three seasons all by rubbing a little HGH or whatever on his body. Sheffield basically threatens baseball when he says that no one understands who is taking 'roids. If everyone who was taking steroids was abruptly caught or taken from baseball Sheffield's understanding is that baseball would be "dead."

It's my own personal belief that Sheffield is crazier than Tom Cruise. Maybe he and Tom can get together and talk about random shit that makes no sense. At least Bonds came out and said that he rubbed shit on himself. He may have said that he didn't know what it was, but that's horseshit. He knew, and he was smart enough to say "I didn't know what it was" he used performance enhancing drugs, because of the attention it got McGwire and Sosa back in '98 when the Home Run Challenge of Maris' record went on. He was pissed, because he had one of his best non-steroid years and no one gave a shit. Bonds is the way Bonds is, because people put their blinders on when Big Mac and Sosa were jacking 70+ HRs and obviously using steroids to do so. Now, Bonds is under scrutiny because he was caught - here's a fucking news flash people - Big Mac was caught too. The red-headed moron was stupid enough to leave the shit in his locker where everyone could see it.

Basically my point is that Bonds deserves some recognition for what he's doing. There's no doubt he's doing it on 'roids, but he's hitting a small ball, with a small stick, and making it go a long way.
I'm not denoting the fact that steroids are bad, I'm denoting the fact that people are just now making Bonds out to be the bad guy. Sure, he's a dick, but he's a dick who's going to have the most HR's in history very soon.


I will write more about this. It is, however, 4am, so I gotta get to sleep. And by sleep I mean read "Game of Shadows."

Also, I haven't read it yet, but I heard "God is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens is a damn good book, worthy of a read. Check out a small exerpt here.

Thanks,
JD

No sir, my wife is not pregnant. She's not my wife. Har Har.

First of all, I'm going to name my son (yes, I will have a son, and no other) Horatio Alva DeMott. If it's a girl, and that's a big if, it'll be Alva Horatio DeMott.

Whew, now that that's out of the way. Speaking of babies, holy shit, Marc just told me that Nicole Ritchie and Christina Aguilera are both pregnant. I'm sure the babies are going to be Demons Spawned from Hellfire and Brimstone, but here's the real question: Which one will reign more terror?

Nicole Ritchie has a fantastically bad cocaine habit, which makes her remarkably thin, and worm-like. This leads me to believe that she will birth a large wormlike creature. I don't know. I have a feeling this baby will come out, fiending for mama's breast milk, and Ritchie being the horrible person she is, will stick a beer bottle or other phallac object in it's mouth. To surmise:

usa13 (2:59:50 AM): personally, im hoping that nicole richie miscarries

usa13 (2:59:54 AM): because the baby is all like

usa13 (3:00:00 AM): WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS SHIT IN HERE

usa13 (3:00:08 AM): AND CAN A NIGGA GET SOME SPACE

usa13 (3:00:11 AM): EAT SOMETHING BITCH

usa13 (3:00:39 AM): that may just have been the meanest thing ive ever said.

Hmm. Someone's going to hell, and it might not be Nicole Ritchie's unborn Demon-Spawned child.

Now, Christina Aguilera is not nearly as freaky as Nicole Ritchie. She's freaky looking, but that's another post entirely. I mean, she didn't shave her head, or hold a baby over a bannister or anything, so I guess she's alright in that regard, but wasn't she fucking a DJ not too long ago. I mean, Christ-on-a-Crutch. DJ's are about as unreliable as Nicole Ritchie's coke dealer, so who's really going to father this child? Hm, here's a few options.


Derek Jeter; king of fucking really hot chicks. Jessica Beil and Mariah Carey, just to name a few. I don't know.

Tom Cruise; Psycho. Seriously, what's another alien baby to Tom Cruise. It would mean that alien-baby Suri has someone to play with. It also means, that Katie Holmes will have something to gush over. I mean, her first chinese-looking baby isn't enough by any means.


The real money lies in who's the papa of Nicole Ritchie's baby. My guess is some coke dealer from Palo Alto named Ryder who right now, is reading this blog, and saying to himself: "That JD, gots me pegged." And to that, I say that I am a fucked up individual.

Thank you. Have a wonderful day-ish.

JD