Alright, so I was perusing my boss's e-mail (I'm not a snoop, I was waiting for correspondence for something I was doing for him. And I saw "CBSSports.com Rollins MVP Player Update," since it wasn't something like "RE: About that girl you murdered" or something, I opened it. This is what I found:
"Mets SP John Maine put the finishing touches on a successfulspring with four scoreless innings Saturday against the White Sox. He allowed three hits and walked none while striking out five.
Maine posted a sizzling 1.53 ERA through spring training andwent six scoreless in his last start, allowing only one hit.He looks primed for a breakout in his third year and, with the Mets lineup behind him, might even be an early dark horse for the NL Cy Young. Think of him as a No. 3 Fantasy SP right now."
How...How can you consider John Maine a NL Cy Young candidate? HOW!? Fuck the heck, for crying out loud. John Maine...not uh...the other guy on his team, what's his name? Johan "I get beat by the Braves" Santana? John Maine is not and I repeat not a Cy Young contender. To be a Cy Young contender you have to have numbers like this:
34 games, 19 Wins with 6 losses, a 2.54 ERA, and 240 K's.
Those are Jake Peavy's 2007 numbers that got him the Cy Young award.
John Maine pitched like this:
32 games, 15 Wins with 10 losses, a 3.91 ERA, and 180 K's.
And his 2008 campaign thus far:
Zero wins, 1 loss, a 9.00 ERA, 5 K's, 3 BB, and a WHIP of 2.75!
Peavy's 2008 campaign thus far...the reigning Cy Young winner:
2 wins, no losses, a 0.56 ERA, 12 K's, 4 BB, and a WHIP of 0.56!
How dare CBSSports say that John Maine is a Dark Horse for the Cy Young. Shame on your stupidity; John Maine might win the Cy Young, if the Cy Young was the Young Cy and we were in Bizarro World where everything was ass-backwards.
And that's the only way.
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