The Real American Gangster ...Lance Manlode.

He reclines back in his EZ Chair, wearing a black robe made out of leather (yes, leather) wearing a pair of black wayfarers with a pipe in his mouth. This is Lance Manlode and this is the self-proclaimed "Bad Boy on the Block."

He refuses to give his age to anyone, even his mother saying: "**** that bitch, she's a tough broad, but she forgot my birthday one year so from then on out, I refused to tell her my age. Then I beat her with a wooden mallet and her memories gone. She's calls me Lennie and touches me inappropriately." Amidst the release of Ridley Scott flick American Gangster he says that Frank Lucas (the antagonist) learned everything he knows from Lanceford T. Manlode.

"Frankie Boy was a little brat when he first came to the hood. Literally, just like a six year old girl. I taught him everything he ****ing knew." Lance then offers me blow, which I politely decline of course, but he does a few lines saying "this is grade-a Asian blow man."

Apparently in all his travels he went to the East of Asia to find cocaine, but found woman instead and started a burlesque show in which he starred as a lion tamer and announcer. "Whoa, Heh, those were good times, man. I really, I really miss them." Lance shed a few tears and then went on to the West of Asia where he met his former wife Ima Chan. Chan went on to marry Charlie Chaplin then she disappeared. Manlode believes that Chaplin killed her with a pick axe in a pizza joint in downtown Chicago.

"Pizza Hut, he killed her in a ****ing Pizza Hut!" Lance stammers, shedding more tears. As far as the police know Chaplin didn't kill Ima Chan, the police don't know who Ima Chan is regardless since she was never actually married to either man. "I got married to her in Vegas, or China, I don't know. There were lights, and stuff."

Even with all his problems and issues Manlode still claims to be the greatest American Villain to have ever lived. He says, "King Kong has nothing on me!" and I have to remind him that Denzel Washington said that in Training Day a few years ago.
"I said it first, Denzel Washington has nothing on me either. Screw him."

When Lance Manlode moved into Harlem, New York, the first few days were self-admittedly; difficult. "Holy ****ing Shit! There was black people every-****ing-where! I was scared to death!" Apparently in his trials and tribulations the Asian government banned Mr. Manlode from living in any part of Asia.

"Who the **** ran Asia back then didn't like the Burlesque business, didn't like the kind of stuff I was selling. So, they wanted me out, they wanted me out like I was a retarded kid in a woman's womb."

I can't help, but sigh at him when he says his last line. He cackles incessantly after saying it, his laugh turning into a rasp and finally a destructive cough. When he coughs, his smokers-cough, you can't help but feel bad for him. "I think I have smoke inhilations..." he says "Maybe something wrong with my lungs, from the smoke inhilations."

If you listen to Lance Manlode ramble on long enough, you'll hear the good stories about Bobby Pianola, or Jack "of all trades" Maloney, and the whores, the money, and the blow. Mainly the blow; "Do you have any blow?" he asks. I remind him that he just offered me some blow, and he admits that the substance he just snorted was "Flour mixed with salt and sugar. Whoa!"

Lance Manlode currently stars on the Marc and JD Radio Show on Nowlive.com/Marcandjd.

The real article for the Frank Lucas shit is found here.

American Gangster was an awesome, awesome flick.

NFL Week 9 Picks

49ers @ Falcons
Broncos @ Lions
Chargers @ Vikings
Redskins @ Jets
Jags @ Saints
Panthers @ Titans
Cardinals @ Bucs
Packers @ Chiefs
Bengals @ Bills
Seahawks @ Browns
Patriots @ Colts
Texans @ Raiders
Cowboys @ Eagles
Ravens @ Steelers

Yes, I went 12-1 last week, I don't know about this week though...tough games, Colts/Pats is going to be a toss up, but I can't help wanting to see Brady get the crap kicked out of him. I have a feeling the Browns/Seahawks game is going to be real fucking awesome, and that's because the Seahawks have been under performing, and the Browns over performing. Panthers/Titans, hopefully won't be a bore.

Game of the Week: Obviously Pats @ Colts with the Colts winning in slugfest fashion.
Underdog game: Jags @ Saints. I know the Jags are doing well, but I mean, the Saints are finally clicking a bit. So, I think the Jags might eek out a victory.

This is why I don't eat powders sugar...

Martina Hingis, former big-shot tennis star has retired midst allegations and a positive drug test revealing cocaine use. Hingis claims innocence and that the cocaine was mixed in with her powdered sugar french toast Denny's platter. When asked for a comment she said:

"I am very sorry it has come to this, I crave the Denny's French Toast Slam, and because a cook senselessly put cocaine in my powdered sugar, I have to suffer. If anyone could get me in touch with him, that'd be great. Seriously, does anyone know him...or his name? Number?"

Hingis claims still that she hasn't done any drugs whatsoever, and once against claims all innocence. In a brief interview Lanceford T. Manlode said:

"She's a fucking stupid person, I don't understand how you can do cocaine. I can only imagine her snorting it off the French Toast Platter. And by the way, Ms. Hingis, his name is Leonard and his number is 555-****"

Manlode doesn't like to talk about his past, but he too, was convicted of using cocaine four years ago, whilst living in Nevada, and starring on hit procedural crime/scientific drama CSI, he states for the record that: "That my life had taken a turn for the worst is my own fault. I had a good thing going there with Horatio Caine and Gary Sinese. I enjoyed working with them." When told that neither of those people were on the show, he went back to the drug use saying "My ****ing head, you know, it's all ****ed up."

While Hingis has retired due to these cocaine related allegations, we at Marc and JD's Blog of Awesomeness still love her and Mr. Manlode says that in time "she'll see the light of her errors, and move back in with him." When told that he never had a relationship with Martina Hingis, he said "...it was Sampras, and it was a bad time in my life. I'm sorry."



For more on this story and others, visit http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/tennis/news/story?id=3089841.. (well for the actual story anyway...)

jd

It wouldn't be the Blog of Awesomeness without this.

This article is so good, it hurts. I mean literally, because it has to do with suicide and how a lot of the suicides that take place in New York City and Manhattan are "Suicide Tourists." Personally, I think it's a great read, maybe it's because I'm sadistic and humored by everything, who knows.

Here's the article.

Greatest Rumor Ever.

This article here says in the byline "Mets need to sign A-Rod, trade Reyes for Santana" and I read this and my hatred for the Mets says "Yes! Do it!" But the sports fiend in me says ..."What the holy fuck are you babbling about?" The Mets do not need to sign A-Rod, and they most certainly should not trade Jose Reyes for Johan Santana. First of all, getting Santana on your team will pilfer your farm league or at least your up and coming guys. Lets say for the sake of argument that you do in fact want to trade for Santana and you're the Mets. You'd have to give up at least Lastings Milledge, Philip Humber and Mike Pelfrey. Now, none of these three are even remotely as good as Santana is. Milledge is a hot-head and has been the subject of trade rumors for the last three years. Humber started one game for the Mets and gave up 6 ER (earn runs) in 4 innings pitched. I mean, and don't get me started on Pelfrey. This cat is God Awful and belongs on the Royals pitching opposite Kyle Davies; and some people will say that he never got any run support...but listen he gave up at least an ER in every game he appeared in. Not only that, but he lost 7 games in a fucking row! Jesus! He also gave up 85 hits in 72.2 IP and had an ERA hovering around 6.00! Maybe he should go to an American League team!

The best option for Santana right now would be to hold off on waiving that No Trade Clause, because right now he's looking at the Yankees, Phillies and Mets. Phillies, personally, need this guy desperately. And I think they'll be willing to give Santana a contract worthy of the kind of pitcher he is.


The first part of the article had the Mets signing Alex Rodriguez. And to this I say no. I don't think so. First of all the guy wants a 10 year contract worth like $300 gazillion dollars. Secondly, this article says The Mets need this to win the series (by this I mean both Santana and A-Rod) and let me just clue you in on something rather interesting...Neither Santana or A-Rod have rings; and neither play remarkably well in the post season...so

this rumor sucks balls,

jd

Quality of Life Force?

Now, I know I already posted, but today I'm a post-whore. You'll see me thirty times (or more) on here posting about random stuff I've seen/not seen but heard. Right now though, I pulled up the hometown newspaper Newsday (that's LI, not shitty PA) and the front page on the internet site is about how the "Quality of Life" Force is trying to shut down a adult-shop which resides in the town of Babylon, New York (close proximity to Farmingdale). I don't know about you, but I've only stepped foot in one adult oriented shop, and my time there was rather pleasant, I was treated nicely, although prices are fucking outrageous in a place like that. This is the link to said article.

Interesting side point, there is a sign off of I-81, that reads "What do you lose by using Porn? Everything!" and everytime I see said sign, I chuckle and then sternly say "Negative good sirs." Prude people piss me off, man. Everyone has to make a living, and in some cases you have to be risque to do so. Whatever. I mean, I saw these porn shops constantly whilst living in New York, and they're strict as fuck when it comes to letting people inside, therefore I don't understand why people are so worried. Just because it's there I suppose, and old-people, and parents who don't let their kids out of the house have nothing better to do than bitch.

Another side-bar is that I was in the can today, and reading the new Kevin Smith book "My Boring Ass Life" and I look on the floor and there is local Chambersburg, PA newspaper the Public Opinion and on the front page (THE FRONT PAGE!) was something about how they've gotten a few citations on the streets of Shippensburg after following school buses around or some shit. Who cares about this shit? WHO GIVES A FUCK!? Seriously, I could give a fuck less about some dumbshit redneck who gets pummeled by a car after getting dropped off by a bus. There's a reason why too, because in all honesty, he probably didn't look both ways.

Torre agrees to principle contract with Dodgers...

That's right folks, Ex-Yankee skipper has apparently agreed in principle to a contract with the Dodgers spanning 3-years, and worth 14.5 mill. I know, I honestly don't give managers enough credit (unless it's Bobby Cox), but I do believe that Torre is a good manager, he had a good relationship with his guys, and just ran shit. The problem with the Yankees is, and will always be, the constant watch of Steinbrenner who should just buck up and manage the team himself.

Anyway, Torre to the Dodgers, Girardi to be the Yank's skipper.

jd