Hardknocks: Drinking with Dan-O who now smokes...

Holy shit, it's been months and years since I've posted on this blog and for good reason I suppose (not really). I've been a lazy bastard for the last probably two years, but I am going to post on this more, I promise. I post on Twitter and Facebook and that's just easy shit. That's me saying shit like "My dog scratched me in the face and now I look like a Bond villain" (fuck it is spelled villain, damn it).

Twitter and the like make people lazy as hell, and that's a problem for a lot of people unless you're like Kevin Smith (@ThatKevinSmith) who posts four thousand times a day or Kanye West (@kanyewest) who's tweets are so irreverent that it's almost painful to read them sometimes. Twitter and Facebook are making life so impersonal that it's almost as if News and Blogs are soon to be non-existent. I am just as bad as everyone else though - a fucking JETS fan to boot - and a twitteraholic (that will be a word, just you wait) and a constant facebook updater, but I must stop for my own good. My own mortality (and mental stability) depend on this.

Anyway, to the point here, my brother Dan-O came to visit on Monday for my Mother's birthday...and I spent 3 days drinking 37 beers with him in the span of what I can only guess was 18 hours, because we didn't drink all day or anything like that, we just drank at night and at the bar, and wherever we could sneak it in. The fact of the matter is that I haven't drank two days in a row in a while and my liver (who is now breathing sighs of relief) was cringing on Wednesday night when we drank the remaining 18 pack of beer that was left.

More pressing matters though would be the fact that my brother fucking smokes now, because of his girlfriend or his friend Jimmy or even my parents, I don't know. I don't smoke. I've lived by the motto love the lungs hate the liver, but lets be honest, I don't hate my liver. It's working a little overtime right now, but overall I treat it pretty well. My brother smokes Camel Lights. Joe Camel has suckered my brother into smoking cigerrettes...that Penis-Faced Mother fucker.

Either way, he's probably going to die before me now which is going to be rough despite the fact that I weigh a good 140 pounds more than he does. Smoking is a funny fucking thing, because I've tried it and I don't like it. I think it's a rite of passage that you have to try smoking a cigarette or something, but I'm glad that shit didn't stick, two of my best friends smoke. I won't smoke cigarette's - even drunk - I would smoke the weed, because at least you get something out of that - fuck, if I'm going crave something, it's going to be corn dogs, or fucking pickles, or cheese. Fuck cigarettes.

The Hard Knocks title was mainly because I watched all of Hardknocks: Training camp with the NY Jets, because I'm a die-hard fan and I never really discussed it.

Prediction: NY Jets vs. Green Bay Packers in the Superbowl. Jets taking it 24-14.

Before I go, I am getting REALLY fucking sick of the spam comments. If you're a spam commenter you're getting labeled as such you wastes of fucking space. I'm tired of getting the emails at 3 in the morning saying that "Anonymous" has posted "DO YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR PENIS LARGER? CLICK HERE!"

Fuck you, you fucking losers.

K. Smith remembers Carlin

I will write one of these eventually, but for now, enjoying Kevin Smith's remembrance of George Carlin.

From Porno to a Mall.

Seth Rogen who is right now filming Kevin Smith's Zack and Miri Make A Porno is set to star in Jody Hill's Observe and Report which has Rogen playing a Mall Security Guard who butts heads with the local po-po.

Sounds awesome.

Two things...

The First thing is that Cameron Crowe has a new project. I don't know what it is, but: CAMERON CROWE HAS A NEW FUCKING PROJECT.

Also the final one-sheet (that's a poster people) has landed for Southland Tales. Now, this flick has been ...held back for-fucking-ever. No joke. The poster looks serious as hell, but it stars Dwanye "The Rock" Johnson, Seann William Scott, Sarah Michelle Gellar (looking hot on the poster even if it is just half her face), Mandy Moore, Jon Lovitz, Kevin Smith, Cheri Oteri, and among others, Justin Timberlake...who may or not be on the poster there...I'm not sure. Regardless, I've got a plot outline for you, and if you liked Donnie Darko you may very well love this flick. I mean, it just sounds fucking intriguing. Anyway, here it is.:



California is at the epicenter of a political and environmental disaster that threatens to destroy the world in this ambitious fusion of comedy, drama, dystopia science fiction, and music. In the year 2005, a nuclear attack wipes out part of the state of Texas, and three years later America is a virtual police state, with the government taking control of nearly every part of people's lives, supposedly for their own good. A German firm has found a way to generate energy using seawater, but both public and private concerns are desperate to prevent the new technology from being introduced in the gasoline-starved United States. A Marxist underground based on the West Coast is determined to bring down the federal government through violent revolution. In this midst of this chaos, we follow a number of stories that continually return to three principle characters. Boxer Santaros (The Rock) is an actor famous for his role in action films; he's trying to secure financing for a new project, but reality keeps mirroring the events in his script and he struggles to hold on to his identity following a bout with amnesia. Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar) is a porn star (yay) who is reinventing herself as a television pundit offering her views on politics, contemporary culture, and teenage sex. And Roland Taverner (Seann William Scott) is an L.A. police officer whose identity has mysteriously split in two and he struggles to track down his other half.

Live Free or Die...fucking...Hard.

I've seen all of the Die Hard movies, I've been an enormous fan of Bruce Willis movies since I saw the Striking Distance with Willis playing a ...boat cop (?) who's banging Sarah Jessica Parker. And the whole Little Red Riding Hood thing, and the guy from Murphy Brown who's dead now, AND Dennis Farina.

Anyway, I saw Live Free or Die Hard tonight, with my Brother Dan-O, and I'll use a quote from him.."If they blew up a boat, they would've had everything covered." And that's basically a fact, because from an F-35 to a Helicopter to a Car to a Building shit was exploding. Not in a bad way, not like Michael Bay's overzealousness or something like that. It was Die Hard type of exploding. Like "Holy Shit, you killed a helicopter with a car" kind of shit. I mean, come on, who the fuck doesn't want to see Bruce Willis kicking some serious fucking ass. And the fantastically beautiful Mary-Elizabeth Winstead stealing scenes with Timothy Olyphant (who is awesome). And then, and only then, you get to The Warlock. The New Jersian son of a bitch, Kevin Smith. And you know what, the man can actually act. The very few scenes he had, he owned, and that's the God's Honest Truth. I'm not just saying that because I've got a man-crush on him, but the utter-seriousness of it all is, that he really held his own for the three-four minute scene with Bruce Willis and Justin Long (actual actors). Kevin Smith needs to act some more, because he's actually kinda good at it.

Ha!

Seriously though, Mr. Smith, you should write a movie about a comic book nerd who falls in love with a lesbian who fights a massive shit-monster who works at a place with a cow as the figure head and then star in it.

Yeah, boy.

JD

Exhaustion

Man, I am exhausted, although, I want to say this: Don't ever say and unkind word about Mr. Smith. He's just a popular dude with a lot of creepy fans. I don't know, when I met the guy I had to wait in line for hours. Literally from light to dark. It wasn't fun, but it was well fucking worth it. I do appreciate that Marc got me a signed copy of Fight Club possibly one of my favorite books of all time. Palahniuk is a weird cat, but apparently cool as shit.

I was going to talk about my upcoming vacation, but that's not what this blog is for. What it is for is, bullshit.

MLB 2007 The Show: A Review.

For those of you who actually know me, will know that I rarely play baseball games. What I do play is sports games (Madden and of course MVP Baseball 2005) and I love baseball. Therefore, I have grown attached (to my brother's copy of) MLB The Show. It's got it's flaws, don't get me wrong, but over all it's a realistic game. Everytime you throw an out to first base, the the first basement proceeds to throw it to the shortstop, who misses the ball and it goes into left field. The graphics aren't the best I've ever seen, but they'll do. The actually baseball-game play is so much like a real game it's incredible. MVP Baseball 2005, which I've played 4 full 162 game seasons of, didn't have that realistic throwing/catching, it's controls were easier and graphics were slightly better, but it was made by EA Sports so what did you expect? I do like MLB The Show 2007, I enjoy the game, I enjoy the music - and I'll play it until I get Madden 2008 starring Vince Young as the guy who gets hurt in the first week of the season.

Come on, you know it's gonna happen.

My Adventures in the City(New York City....)

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